Emotional coaching & being more than just a trainer

Let’s face it, there are many good coaches out there, they have the experience, the degrees and some are even professional athletes but what really separates the some from others?

The best coaches know their purpose and meaning in life, they have the ability to feel connected and have a sense of worthiness and belonging. They know deep down why they do what they do and it’s this that gets them out of bed at 4am in the morning!

So, why do I do what I do?

I genuinely love making positive impacts on people’s lives no matter how small and helping them in anyway possible. Even now I’ll always remember the teachers at school who helped me out and really cared, for someone to remember me for the same reason is my meaning and purpose for coaching people.

The coaches that have this sense of worthiness and belonging have a few things in common:

  • COURAGE - to be imperfect. They show up no matter what, constantly continue to learn, fail but get back up again and they're happy knowing that they aren't perfect.
  • COMPASSION - to be kind to themselves first then others, you can't practice compassion with other people if you can't treat yourself kindly. A way coaches do this is by practicing what they preach, they train smart, apply good nutrition and sleep well etc.
  • VALUES - As a coach if you're going to carry on showing up and continue to be seen then you'll need some strong core values you stick by no matter what. Hard work, Trust and Courage can be a few. If courage is something you value, then no matter what circumstance you come across and no matter what adversity you face you must show courage.
  • CONNECTION - All great coaches connect by showing up and allowing themselves to be seen, they have the will to let go of who they think they should be in order to be who they are. They're real, authentic and true to themselves. A connection gives purpose and meaning and its why clients feel comfortable opening up to coaches, they ask questions, ask for help and do things they might not necessarily want to do because you’ve a connection and they trust you.
  • VULNERABILITY - is the core of emotions such as shame, fear and the struggle of worthiness but it’s also the birthplace of happiness, belonging and love. We can't selectively numb our emotions, we can’t choose to numb fear, disappointment and vulnerability. If we learn to numb the bad stuff then we'd numb all emotions including joy, gratitude and belonging leaving us miserable and in search for meaning and purpose. Great coaches learn to embrace being vulnerable and they believe that what makes them vulnerable makes them beautiful, they have the willingness to do something when there’s no guarantee or invest in a coach/client relationship knowing it may not work out for whatever reason.

The DON'TS for coaches that struggle with vulnerability:

NUMB - don’t numb your emotions, embrace them.

BLAME - don’t blame people or circumstances, hold accountability.

PERFECT - don't try and perfect, improve and embrace imperfectness.

PRETEND - don't pretend that what we do doesn’t affect people, be authentic and real.

The DO's for coaches to embrace vulnerability:

LOVE - what you do with all your heart, even though there’s no guarantee.

PRACTICE - gratitude and joy, even on the tough days.

BELIEVE - that you're enough, stop screaming and start listening.

BE KIND - to other yourself and others.

To be a great coach you constantly need to show up and be seen, get used to vulnerability and embrace the fact that to feel vulnerable means you’re alive!

By: Coach Lloyd, Performance Coach