Recently, a word has been popping up regularly in the past few months, which has had me thinking about plenty of stuff - probably too much. That word is "VULNERABILITY." Being honest, being vulnerable is up there with one of my most significant flaws personally.
However, I've only really started looking at this through a microscope at the age of twenty-six. So, let's make a search history on me.
I found my love for both codes of rugby when I was in an all-boys boarding school for six years in my teenage years. Boarding school was a dog-eat-dog world. If you were passive, you would get bullied, full stop (this is my experience, remember). The number of fights I used to get into, I can't even count on both hands. Then we crossover to rugby, a contact sport where you will get targeted on the field if you show any sign of fear or pain. Nothing like a flying Fijian running straight at you, and your life flashes before your eyes.
Now through these two areas (not saying they are the only areas of my life), I created such an ego to protect myself from any form of "weaknesses". But what I wouldn't account for nearly ten years out of high school is that it would all play against me. It's taken me a while to knuckle down on while I've created such egos to protect myself, but ultimately, I made them to protect myself from any fear, shame, or embarrassment that I had faced or imagined in the future I would face.
Because of these defensive walls, all it has done has resulted in more struggles. The hardest part I have found is internally understanding my fears. What holds me back, and why have I created an alter-ego to protect me? Through being vulnerable to myself and staying accountable, I have found understanding in my fears. Therefore perseveres to much greater things, such as love and happiness.
Ego (Self-Protector) + Fear (The Struggle/ Shame) = More Struggles
Vulnerability (Willingness?) + Fear = Growth/ Love/ Happiness
So, with November and the month of promoting "Men's Health Awareness," I ask you, especially the men, to dive into this topic. You may learn a thing or two about what vulnerability is. I'm still as far away from any understanding as I ever will be.
As mentioned above, this is all from my personal experiences and perceptions, but if you would like to chat in detail, reach out to me!